Can You Be Friends With an Ex? Getting Up Close and Personal
Whether or not it is a good idea to be friends with an ex should be an individual decision. Put another way, the question of “can you be friends with an ex?” is something only you can know. Some people believe that being friends with an ex shows maturity. While this may be true, there are certain times when being friends is not a good idea or is just simply too painful. No way is the right way; it just is what it is. In some situations, the breakup was clean-cut and the decision may have been made upon breaking up that you would not be friends. In this case, you should honor what the two of you decided and move on. However, if you decided to try and keep some kind of a friendship, there are some guidelines to go by in determining if you are cut out for being friends with an ex.
On of the biggest factors in answering the question “can you be friends with an ex?” has to do with who you are as a person. If you are someone who is prone to jealousy, then maybe keeping a friendship is not a good idea. The minute your ex decides to hook up with someone else, you will be extremely jealous. Why put yourself through that? If one or both of you still have romantic feelings towards each other, then being friends is definitely not a good idea if you have any intention of staying broken up. In this case, you will probably end up getting back together, only to break up again several weeks or months later. When you go somewhere the two of you used to go, it is fine to have fond memories. However, if these memories turn into thoughts of wanting to hook back up with your ex, then you probably should not be friends. If you have any feelings of anger or animosity towards your ex, this is not a good place to start a friendship from.
So, how do you know when you are ready to be friends with an ex? First of all, think about how long it has been since the break up. If it has been long enough that you can honestly say that you wouldn’t mind if you ex hooked up with someone else, then chances are you are ready. In general, if you honestly do not want to be with your ex in a romantic way but you are still wanting a friendship, then you are probably ready to be friends with you ex.
As with any relationship that has ended, there are certain boundaries that you must follow. Being friends with an ex is sort of like walking on a tight rope because there are certain topics and actions to avoid. For example, if the two of you broke up not too long ago and you decide to talk about your new sex life, chances are this topic will not be appreciated by your ex. This will most likely make your ex not want to be friends with you. Use sensitivity and common sense when being friends with an ex. Think about how you would want to be treated. It is going to be different from all of your other friendships for a while and this is normal. Do not brag about how much fun you are having with the new guy, or how the new girl has everything in common with you. Try to talk in general terms and avoid topics regarding your love-life.